She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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