remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
