How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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