i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Farmville is her only friend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
