I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
