Just fell off a train. Bad.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
