Apparently you make a good broom.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
