i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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