There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
