Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
