"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
