I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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