I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
