I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My vagina is officially offended.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
