are you still at the devil's house?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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