I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
