Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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