3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
