I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
