please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
