I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
