It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
