you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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