A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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