I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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