i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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