i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
