Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
