That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
