i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
