Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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