Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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