i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ttyl tear gas
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
