you traded sex for a burrito?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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