I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
