Christians are straight up FREAKS
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
