my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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