two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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