So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
