i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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