I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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