This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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