I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
