Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
