very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
