Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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