Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
