Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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