Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
