Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
