I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
is it fun? or sober?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
