I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
