listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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