its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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