it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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